Day one entry


So I’ve been trying to find healthy effective ways to get over depression and baby steps to get over my fear of rejection, criticism and failure. Hasn’t been successful at all, I seem to take one baby step forward and 10 leaps backwards. I truly want to accomplish something in my life that’s going to make a difference; I’ve always been ashamed to say this out loud because it is such a beauty pageant kind of a cliché. But money or love is not what I find fulfilling, it will be awesome if I can buy whatever I want and have a loving husband and kids, but I won’t exist. Does this make sense to any of you reading this? I will be like any female born in any century or country or religion, that’s what every girl’s ideal life sounds and looks like, comfort and love. I want to cure a disease, write a book that will make a difference, help people who can’t help themselves, people who can’t afford help.

So baby steps, write 1000 words a day. Sleep early. Wake up early. Work out. Find one thing to do a day.

If I ever neglect to do one of these steps or all of them, I will remind myself I have tomorrow to try again.

I was about to type what ifs too late negativity stuff but I won’t, I will fight this, I will become fine, good and not angry or sad anymore than normal healthy people are.

I don’t have much of an outside life, with days passing I am growing more and more to an anti social person, being around people suffocates me, I would rather live in a house in the countryside with a good air conditioner and heater system and up to date, high speed technology and wifi. And maybe have my weight stuck on 58 kg and have a flawless skin but that’s pushing it. So just quietness and internet.

I will try to pick a topic and explore it as extensively as I can possibly do in 1000 words. This way my topics aren’t going to revolve around how dark my mood is or find myself running out of words to say. I will post daily, I need to have a discipline and I need to commit to something healthy.