So I’ve been trying to find healthy effective ways to get over depression and baby steps to get over my fear of rejection, criticism and failure. Hasn’t been successful at all, I seem to take one baby step forward and 10 leaps backwards. I truly want to accomplish something in my life that’s going to make a difference; I’ve always been ashamed to say this out loud because it is such a beauty pageant kind of a cliché. But money or love is not what I find fulfilling, it will be awesome if I can buy whatever I want and have a loving husband and kids, but I won’t exist. Does this make sense to any of you reading this? I will be like any female born in any century or country or religion, that’s what every girl’s ideal life sounds and looks like, comfort and love. I want to cure a disease, write a book that will make a difference, help people who can’t help themselves, people who can’t afford help.
So baby steps, write 1000 words a day. Sleep early. Wake up early. Work out. Find one thing to do a day.
If I ever neglect to do one of these steps or all of them, I will remind myself I have tomorrow to try again.
I was about to type what ifs too late negativity stuff but I won’t, I will fight this, I will become fine, good and not angry or sad anymore than normal healthy people are.
I don’t have much of an outside life, with days passing I am growing more and more to an anti social person, being around people suffocates me, I would rather live in a house in the countryside with a good air conditioner and heater system and up to date, high speed technology and wifi. And maybe have my weight stuck on 58 kg and have a flawless skin but that’s pushing it. So just quietness and internet.
I will try to pick a topic and explore it as extensively as I can possibly do in 1000 words. This way my topics aren’t going to revolve around how dark my mood is or find myself running out of words to say. I will post daily, I need to have a discipline and I need to commit to something healthy.